Saturday, May 22, 2010

Rules of the Universe

Somebody just sent us this email so we thought we'd share – numbers 6, 9, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 21 and 25 are particularly apt. What are your favs?

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.

3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.

4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is a serious business.

6. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention! It never fails.)

7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

8. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

9. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.

10. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.

11. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

12. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

13. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

14. Opportunities always look bigger after they have passed.

15. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.

16. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

17. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

18. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

19. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

20. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.

21. There is a very fine line between 'A hobby' and "mental illness."

22. You should not confuse your career with your life.

23. Never lick a steak knife.

24. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

25. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

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